I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
