If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
