It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
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Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
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Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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