y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
