i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
