I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So squirting runs in the family.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
