Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
