as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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