they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
