Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
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Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
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STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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