i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
