He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
