i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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