Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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