My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
