Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
