who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
