Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
