I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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