What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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