The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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