you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
