I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
