What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
