He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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