I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
