Your mouth is God's brothel.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Send help, water and tortillas.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
