you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
