At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
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he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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