She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
home. puking in laundry basket.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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