I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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