But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
