I think scott just propositioned me for sex
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
