So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
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Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
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sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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