Who did Billy Mays play for?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Found the puke drawer
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
