You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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