Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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