why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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