Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
