its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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