the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
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I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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