I can tuck mytits in my pants
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
