It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You're like the curious george of whores
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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