how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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