We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
