Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
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Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
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My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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