After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
