ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize