im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
