New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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