this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
