so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize