I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
