Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
