everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
