Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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