Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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