Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
