I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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