She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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