i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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