Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
