i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
