This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
