This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize