I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
