Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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