Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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