I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
whose parrot is this?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
