I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
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He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
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He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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